ὅ παῖς καλός? Certainly, but who dressed you Richard Armitage??

I was quietly watching the happenings in Armitageworld over the weekend as I began my (annual) frantic preparations for the beginning of the academic year.  I couldn’t help but notice the Ben Rayner images that have popped up all over the place.  My immediate reaction?   Good Lord – that sweater!

I'm not putting words in his head but... Photo by Ben Trayner courtesy of www.richardarmitagenet.com

I’m not putting words in his head but…
Photo by Ben Rayner courtesy of http://www.richardarmitagenet.com

This LV abomination has replaced my previous least favorite Richard Armitage sweater look….

The bulky, cable knit SHORT sleeved sweater?? Photo by Paula Parrish for Fault Magazine courtesy of www.richardarmitagenet.com

The bulky, cable knit SHORT sleeved sweater??
Photo by Paula Parrish for Fault Magazine courtesy of http://www.richardarmitagenet.com

Fashion, like art, is a subjective thing I think.  I’m certainly not a fashionista – I’d describe my personal style as something like academic chic or maybe contemporary librarian?  Seriously, I have no idea what I’d call it…today I’m wearing a fitted blue tee with gray capri pants and sandals – fine – Birkenstock sandals!  Probably my edgiest fashion statement is 4 piercings in one ear 🙂  (I mostly did that to annoy my mother when I was in college!)

Even though I don’t tend to buy “fashion forward” I know what I like when I see it.  Do I really need to describe what about this sweater I don’t like?  It would be easier to identify what I do like…the color is OK.  I ran this ensemble past my local contact for fashion forward menswear (he’s a 20 something musician  studying at a prestigious local university for the arts, and we’ve had several conversations about the dearth of such attire here in the land of Levis and baseball caps) and he’s not a fan of the look either.

I’m not sure what was going through the mind of whoever put this all together, since none of it is particularly flattering on Mr. Armitage – if the goal was to make him look less attractive than usual, well done I guess.

It’s not as if LV only makes ugly (there, I said it…it may be warm, but IMHO, it’s ugly.) sweaters.  Look at John Hamm in this LV cardi:

Richard Armitage would look awesome in that sweater!   Source:  Details Magazine - October 5, 2010

Richard Armitage would look awesome in that sweater!
Source: Details Magazine – October 5, 2010

I suppose I’ll be grateful that they didn’t break out some of the LV Winter 2012/13 runway looks I saw for the Rayner shoot.  Thankfully, I only need one image to remind me how good Richard Armitage can look in a sweater…

Won’t you be my neighbor…please?!
Photo by George Pimentel/Wirelmage for Roots Canada Photo Shoot
Image can be viewed at Getty Images by searching Richard Armitage

ὅ παῖς καλός!!

et alia – So you want to write RAcy fan fiction? Caveat scriptor: Just say NO to SPANX!

I have found that writing sex scenes is rather akin to what I suppose writing choreography to be like.  I really have to keep track fo whose parts are where, or the whole thing can fly off the rails leaving the reader wondering, “How did he get there?” or “wasn’t her leg just over here?”  Part of this “choreography” is the process of getting characters undressed, or at least partially undressed.

0910-couple-undressing

This can be a tricky procedure depending on how you choose to clothe your characters.  For instance, skirts only need need to be pushed up – jeans?  Much more labor intensive.  Even in historical fics, the torturous corset can be easily discarded by simply cutting the laces.  Bras, thongs, panties?  Easy peasy lemon squeezy.  So far, I have handily dealt with a variety of clothing and undergarment combinations.  I have yet to read a fic where the heroine manages to make a sexy, sultry egress from the Lycra and Spandex confines of SPANX, although it might make a great comic scene…

According to several Hollywood insiders, SPANX are the greatest thing to hit the market since sliced bread.  For any who don’t know, SPANX is a line of women’s (and apparently men’s…”SPANX, Dad”) undergarments and especially shapewear foundation garments.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against foundation garments in general, and SPANX are far from grandma’s girdle, but getting your character out of them will turn a hot little sex scene into something akin to slapstick comedy.  Let me put it this way…

There are e-how and YouTube videos on how to successfully wrangle yourself into your SPANX.  Now imagine your heroine trying to fight her way out of them in the heat of passion…egads!

So, if you want to save your heroine a lot of hopping around and potential asphixiation as she tries to get out of her underwear, Caveat Scriptor:

Spanks?  Go for it!

spanx logo  No Thanks!