So yeah…

Once upon a time, there was an active blog in this site.  Sometimes irreverent, sometimes slightly naughty, sometimes intellectual, sometimes goofy, sometimes all of the above.  Lately there’s been a whole lot of:

My prolonged absence has very little to do with anything Richard Armitage has or has not done…I recently watch Pilgrimage (meh) and LOVED Armitage’s voicing of Trevor Belmont in Castlevania.   No, my absence has definitely been all about me.  This space has been really important to me, and it continues to be, so I want to find a way to be present in it again – in whatever form it evolves into.   In the spirit of disclosure I thought I might give you all the highlights reel of what’s been going on that’s been keeping me away.

Back tracking about a year….this time last year, I was having a blast in Greece with Guylty, jholland, Kathy, Claudia and Wydville…a Hellenic girls week.  When I came home, I fell back into my regular routine both at work and at home, but changes were on the horizon.  My Dean’s campaign to find me a full time, full benefit position at the university where I’d been an adjunct instructor for so long was about to bear fruit.  In 2016 we hired a new President and about six months later, a new provost – and we were in for a bit of a ride.  Our new administration has pursued an aggressive program of change in the past year – some of it better received than others, but so it goes with change.  There were hints at a change in my position at the university in November of 2016, but the real kicker was an icy day in January when, due to a knee injury incurred just after Christmas, my meeting with the Provost became a phone meeting.

That phone call initiated a big change in my career path which ultimately resulted in my being offered and accepting a position as an Assistant Dean this past summer.  The past six months has been a crazy journey.  I really like my job, but most days I wonder what I’ve gotten myself into in terms of my insane workload.  So, reason #1 that the blog has been rather quiet, my job has changed to the extent that my down time when not encroached on by home is pretty limited these days.

Never one to limit my challenges, in early March about a month or so after assuming my first job title change, I finally made the decision that my marriage was really over and relocated to my sister’s with my kids while we sorted out the details.   My husband (we are not yet divorced) and I had been unhappy for a long time, and when we finally talked a couple weeks later, we agreed that to preserve some degree of affection for one another and for the sake of our younger child, we should acknowledge that our lives had gone in different directions and that we were no longer a couple and had not been for some time.  Thus far, things have been relatively amicable.   And so, Reason #2  – major life event.

Now, reason #3 is not really about me, but about my oldest child – you know, Showbiz Son.  Well, it turns out that ShowBiz son is actually SuperGlam Daughter.  She had come out to me as transgender about 18 months before, but my split from her father and our subsequent (albeit temporary) move from our family residence was the catalyst that allowed her to begin her outward transition.  She is still a complicated soul, and transitioning is full of all sorts of unseen challenges for us all, but she seems ever so much happier in her own skin these days!

 When I put it all down in writing, it seems pretty crazy.  Yeah, it IS pretty crazy, but we’re all muddling through.  The kids and I are back at home and their dad has his own place not far away.  We’re on the way to establishing our “new normal” I think.   Things have perhaps begun to settle into place a little bit in the new job and even if it is crazy, I’m determined that I really need to carve out a space in my day for blogging.  I’m not entirely sure where I’ll go at the moment, but I hope you’ll decide to come along.

DULCIUS EX ASPERIS

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20 comments on “So yeah…

  1. I’m sending you good vibes for your continuing life transformations! It sounds like you and your family are weathering them amicably. You are, no doubt, the glue that holds everything together, so don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. Hugs! Looking forward to reading more of your posts when your time allows to share them with us.

  2. Violet says:

    Those really are big changes and anyone would be affected by them. I’m glad your son has a mother like you. I’m also glad you and your husband have parted before you ended up hating each other, which happens to many couples. I pray that you can find peace and strength as you go through this transition period in your life, and I hope your daughter does not encounter horrible, mean people but is instead met with understanding from those she cares about. *hug*

    • obscura says:

      Those are exactly the words I sad to him…”I don’t want to hate you, but if we stay together, that’s what will happen.” We’re both better off this way, and so are the kids.

      I think that overall, SuperGlam has been quite surprised by the mostly positive response to her new look – in fact, we rarely go out that some stranger doesn’t pull her aside to compliment her hair or her make up!

      • Violet says:

        You and your kids will be fine. Divorce is traumatic for everyone; the only thing you can control is how you will go about it. As for your daughter, it’s not easy either but your love will be an anchor in her life. Nothing is as life affirming as knowing we are loved deeply by at least one person. 😉

  3. Perry says:

    These are enormous changes – almost too significant to even contemplate for me – but my money is always on you. It’s amazing to me that you can even think of this blog right now – but I am with you. You seem grounded – but that’s after 18 months of change. It reads as though things are falling into place. But watch out, because when SGD hits that professional stage – you’ll be outed too -in a good way. XXOO

    • obscura says:

      There have been days that I’ve been pretty bowed over, but those are fewer and farther between lately, so I do hope we’ve turned a corner. I don’t know about SG and the stage – she’s currently more interested in the behind scenes than center stage. We shall see!

  4. Servetus says:

    You’ve had a truly whirlwind year. If there’s anything I can do to support your writing, let me know. Hope this post and the decision to allot some regular time for blogging makes it easier for you to write — I miss Obscura. Hugs.

    • obscura says:

      I hope so too – I find that I don’t have less to say (ask anyone who sits near me for five minutes!). I just need to make sure that I don’t let everything else shove into space that needs to be for me.

  5. Robin Thomsen says:

    Wow! There has been a lot going on! Sending positive vibes your way that everything goes well for you and your family. I don’t plan on going anywhere. Big hugs XXX. Looking forward to reading more from you when you are able

  6. zan says:

    Echoing Servetus … I miss Obscura. But I fully understand the challenge that significant (sometimes overwhelming) changes bring to anything outside the scope of those changes. (Says the blogger whose blog has as many, if not more, crickets than yours. 😉 ) Lots of hugs, tons of positive vibes, and barrels of respect heading your way. It’s been 20 years, but I know the feeling of a son *finally* coming out and the positive change to his overall well-being from that moment forward. It made a positive impact on our family, as well. I’m with you, however much you post … or don’t. 🙂

    • obscura says:

      Thanks Zan! One of the things that I have found in my fandom experience is that although there are the occasional disputes and sometimes downright mean episodes, I’ve found a lot of people who think a lot like I do and whose lives and stories have often given me greater perspective on my own life (hence my desire to be here more!).

  7. jholland says:

    So glad to hear from you, and yeah, the crickets seem to be chirping on my own front, as well. But I have thought of you and your family often, and have wondered when and if such a transition was in the works. She’s unbelievably fortunate to have such a loving and accepting mother. Congratulations on the new position at work, as well! The number of changes is pretty staggering- but it sounds as if there is much to celebrate, despite the stress and uncertainties that always come with huge life changes. (((Hugs)))

  8. katie70 says:

    First congrats on your job. I hope that your family life is headed in a good place for all of you. So many changes for all of you. I have thought of you in the past and hope that all was well for you. this past Easter I made the Greek Easter bread you talked about in one of your first posts. I do have a picture that someday would like to show you. I also thought of you last month and hoped all was well. If you have time to blog or not that is fine just make sure you take some me time.

  9. Rafaella says:

    Wow! There have been some big changes. Congratulations on the new job but remember that it can/will survive with out you for a few days or a week (or more) so don’t work too hard (from someone who often forgets this herself) and remember to take some ‘me time’. Your kids are lucky to have such a wonderful and supportive mother. Although difficult, parting on amicable terms is always best for everyone involved. (((Big Hugs)))

  10. Esther says:

    I’m only seeing this now, sorry I’m so late to the game… Wow, those really are HUGE life-changing events.
    First of all, congrats on the new job!
    Secondly, hope the divorce stays amicable, keeping everything crossed for you.
    Thirdly, I am glad your superglam daughter is able to find herself now, I wish you and her all the best with transitioning!
    Yeah, I can totally see how there are so many other priorities than blogging, right now…

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