We all go through ups and downs in life. I look at my kids and remember when my biggest problem was that my mother refused to buy me the Nike shoes I wanted unless I paid for half, or that I was forced to comply with an 11:30 curfew when my friends could stay out until 12:00. As an adult, I can drive, I can vote, I can stay out all night if I want, but I still have to pay for my own damn shoes! That’s the thing…I can have all of those adult freedoms, but the flip side is that I also have all of those pesky adult problems.
I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not the existence of the problems – they will always exist in some form or another. The thing that has been really wearing on me lately is that resolving many of the current issues in my life has gotten to a point that is beyond my control. I have done my part, but now I must wait until the powers that be do theirs.
I honestly don’t know how Richard Armitage copes with the constant uncertainty that seems to be part of the life of a professional actor. What will the next role be? When will the next role come? Will there be a next role?! I suppose I’m a bit of a control freak. I do not cope well with the anxiety of waiting while someone else decides my fate.
For the first time, I’ve felt a kind of kinship with Thorin Oakenshield. Thorin is a capable leader who was powerless to stop the destruction of his home and the scattering of his people.
He does what he can to keep his people together and provide them with a future, whether it is leading them in battle or selling his services as a blacksmith to eke out a living.
After a century of scraping and struggling, of striving for a better life but always living at the whims of forces beyond his control, is it at any wonder that he is tense and taciturn? When these situations come up one at a time, I can deal with relinquishing control, but lately it seems like virtually every sphere of my life requires me to wait and worry. Like Thorin, I’ve got a lot of irons in the fire. The anxiety can be excruciating and exhausting.
When one of those irons comes out of the fire, successfully forged and worked into it’s finished form, it is a small victory.
Here’s where I fear that Thorin and I will differ. I suspect that Thorin’s single-minded desire to recover Erebor will not allow him to see the value of lesser accomplishments. For me, it’s precisely the small victories that provide the strength to persevere and finish working all the irons in my fire. This time the result might only have been a ladle, but the next finished product could be something so much greater! Something worth the struggle. Something life changing!